Birthday Blues


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Dear You,

I’m lost, and lately I don’t feel like I can find what I’m looking for anytime soon.

Lost. How vague, honestly, searching for whatever has been missed.

In a few days time I will be celebrating my birthday again. Again, and yet I don’t feel any closer to what I have been trying reach. Another round of trials yet not being able to meet the expectations I have set myself. Are you feeling that right now, when you’re reading this, probably a year older than I am?

I easily get sad nowadays. I left my journal and I feel sad already. What with the news that makes me sad, I think it’s up to you to dare look back.

Currently I’m having a week of vacation in our province, Eastern Samar. Ishiguro already won Nobel. No good for Murakami which I felt more closer to although I never wished for Murakami to win. I find him a personal writer which I would like for myself alone. Not happening for now, I’ve just got a lot issues with overrated things.

I like underrated things, I hope you still do. Overrated ones, they seem to be misunderstood of what they really mean.

My life? I feel overly underrated, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I believe this is just a phase, that this will end.


P.S. Facebook reminded that six years ago, a doppleganger showed in our house, and now I feel the need to see him, feeling that he would maybe bring a good message coming from the future, from you.


The Essence of Writing


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I don’t know, really, what some would even call essential. Writing as essential practice of everyday life, I would just guess. I’m a reader and a listener to stories, if people would ask me, that’s what I usually tell them. Some, to my surprise, told me that I’m good at writing. But to me, this is just a normal cycle of somebody who reads and listens to stories, they tend to end up writing, or creating films or a painting, for art’s sake – if only painting and films are part of my forte, I would also have done the same. So you see how it is a normal process, once the bucket is full, then you have to pour the water to take another bucket, water the plants to it won’t get wasted.

So what is the essence of writing to me? It is the worth of discovery. Writing is a process (so is film making and painting, and dancing, and singing, and even digging gold, or planting a tree, or making pastries). And what do we do with process is mastering it, and mastering a process is a discovery of ourselves. The philosophy of everything we do is the ultimate goal of everyday living, we are  humans anyway. We think and never gets tired of thinking, of growing. (I believe.) So then this is a self discovery, something I do that I hope everyone would decide to do. Self discovery through a mastering a process.

“I read somewhere that how we shave in the morning has its own philosophy, too.”
– Wind/Pinball, 1973 (Haruki Murakami)


And here we are, existing to change the world for the better. Inviting everyone to do this.

Haddon Musings



I invite you to come and join me on this pilgrimage to change the world through thankfulness.  Perhaps if enough of us join together we can change the negative climate that exists and is overtaking our planet. Together we can move our fellow citizens of to a better, higher and finer place.

Dom and I went to New York City this past weekend.  We went to celebrate his birthday.  As I have written about in the past, Dom has a great love for music, particularly the opera.  So I bought us tickets to see Aida which was performed at the Metropolitan Opera on Saturday afternoon.  New York City has been the stage for some of the happiest and proudest moments of my life and the saddest and most heartbreaking moments of my life.  I am thankful that the heartbreak has not…

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The Thrill in Riding a Ferris Wheel — A Hundred and One List

Hey guys check out my new blog, and this one is definitely the one I’m going to try to fill through my lifetime.

It was a well planned get together with my old friends and as what happens with planned events it gets cancelled. So that’s why I’m alone. But this is not a story of my solitude, nor how I did get to the ferris wheel and how much it took for me to actually ride one. This […]

via The Thrill in Riding a Ferris Wheel — A Hundred and One List

Moments in Seconds



Today, while going to my work, this view greeted me a good morning. Yes the day may not seem to be  a good day over all, but thinking that atleast there was that moment that made my day, I think it’s more than enough to be thankful.

For the moment that made me smile.

For the moment that made me feel that there is goodness in everyday…

Is this how an optimist looks at things? Because I’m trying to learn it, actually I am planning to create another series on this blog which will then be the third series on my list, it focuses on the goodness of things with a hashtag getinspired.

Oh I may have forgot that I’m talking to my future self. Just a reminder and I really hope this should remind you someday that life has always this side of inspiration.



With all my muscles longing for rest, with my mind traveling back to the place where I just came from. Images of sceneries flashes over me as the bus I’m on is racing through the road under the sunset. I’m tired, my body is but not my spirit. This is the kind of fatigue I want. The kind of tiredness that I need. The one that could make me say, “It’s been a long day, I think I could rest now.”

But in reality what’s happening is that I’m just tired, my muscles are wanting rest not because I came from travelling to a place that brightens up my spirit and that tells me how wonderful it is to be alive. My body is tired and my mind is stressed over things that when I think about doesn’t really matter. But why is that? Because I let it happen.

In fact I have been holding back for days to post this one. It’s been saved on my draft for almost a week now. Why, you may ask? It’s because I’m tired. Life has been quite indefinite for me for quite some time, I actually told you with my previous letter what’s been happening with me. And also just to say that I’m trying to drive my life on a positive route towards my goals, I’m actually planning to share with you my goals rather than sharing you what stresses me. Planning. Actually.

I’m tired, again for the tenth time. And because of that I actually feel lost. Tired of this routine, of this life, (though I want to clarify that I’m not wishing or hoping to die any sooner). With this kind of feeling, I can’t make any sense to what matters to a young man like me. What matters to a man? But with all this, one good thing when I’m tired is I feel good listening to late night talks. Right now I’m actually reading All I Did Was Ask by Terry Gross. Maybe because doing so lets me relieve myself from the tiredness I feel, especially when all you have to do is listen to people talk about interesting topics that open your mind.

Now, that I’m postimg this, I just felt a weight off my back. Maybe, all that I needed to do all this time was to learn how to open up. Maybe so, maybe yes, who knows for real anyway? And just to share with you some of the positive thoughts I’m having lately, because I feel like people wouldn’t just want to hear what makes you feel tired, so of course I’m sharing you this.  Lately, I realized, how we need people to prove our own existence to ourselves rather than prove them how we exist. So then if only people will think the same way i just did, and then just be honest with themselves, the world will be a better place.

P.S. I really hope to hear from you soon. And, also, the same as I hope for the world to be a better place, that you’re not losing hope in living as how you believe that you’re already slowly missing the years of your life.

Monday Mourning


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We mourn,
For the times that we haven’t spoke up,
For the times that we let in fear than love,

We mourn,
For the times we did not stand up,
For the right and the things we feel are right,

We mourn,
Life that just passed by,
Cause we know we’re born,
To cry, giggle, and live with love.

A simple message that I’d like to make for the world. In fact I’m lost for words. Of course I’m busy with my work, and the world continues to spin as things, events, happenings, continue to make and break everything, cause this is a process of building and rebuilding humanity right? But then how does one’s life have meaning? Years ago I would answer one of the questions on our quiz in ethics, I wouldn’t even remember the question but I would remember clearly my answer, which goes like this. “It’s because we give others less value that we chose who will live and who wouldn’t.” Who has the right anyway to tell who is worthy and who is not? Isn’t it any existence worth existing even just the thought of idea? And wouldn’t it be that the greatest sin humanity has ever inflicted on its own is that we destroy existence of our kind?

I don’t know what to think at the moment, it could have been just the media, but it’s no joke that we humans can’t find our common ground when all these thousands of years we’ve been living under the same sky, on the same planet, in the same world.

Now You Don’t


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Just watched Now You See Me 2 directed by John M. Chu. And since it’s a second installment which already has a third part on plan, I was already expecting less from this movie. First because as I have said it’s been already been a second installment and rarely does it gets any better watching part two. Rarely. Second is that I can’t see how things are going to continue with this one. Yes there may be a lot ways to continue the plot, but there’s just this fear that this may just ruin the first one. But maybe that could be the reason that I enjoyed this film, it’s that I don’t know what to expect.

Of course there are loop holes and cliches. I don’t know but I think it’s legit for me to say that you can even guess the plot as it goes on. Not that it keeps on repeating tricks since it has been a rule never to repeat the same trick twice, it’s just that we already have a taste of it and there’s just quite enough to it. In other words, we don’t like just enough we want more than enough.We even expect the title to be more creative, like how the first part should be titled as Now You See Me and how this one should be titled as Now You Don’t. But then the best way to enjoy movies is to let yourself be carried away. Leave your critic self in your house when you watch movies. Like this kind of review from Polygon. I mean do we really watch movies to criticize, do we really experience art just to say what we don’t like about it? Though thinking about it we need them to inform us still, it’s just that I think to say what you really feel about the movie sometimes just ruins the experience. Why not just let the art be experienced and let them say how good it was.

So what made me enjoy this one is that the scene (which I wouldn’t say what exactly it is), made me feel like I’m watching The Italian Job. That’s just the first reference. But before getting any deeper let’s start at the beginning. One word for it, typical. Wherein it somehow explains what we know so far. Then the entrance of new characters. By the way, I would like to say how I liked Isla Fisher to be a part of this sequel so when I heard that she won’t be in this part I kind of think let’s just see. And now that I saw the movie, Lizzy Caplan is just enough for the role she was given. Although honestly speaking I feel a little bit funny about Daniel Radcliffe’s character, and surprised to see some. Continuing with how everything else falls into place (as this is a about magic and thus it needs preparations),it was actually less exciting than its predecessor. It was in fact, as I said, was quite the ones that you can already guess. But I am not into that, in the end, it’s still as playful as the first part with the characters. Then of course the act of magic. And with that I should say just watch the movie.

Hope you’re not expecting a lot after reading this post/review, because I don’t want you to.I don’t even want you to read this before watching the movie. It may destroy your overall experience. I posted this one because I just can’t contain how proud I was to actually be able to watch a sequel like that. Overall it made me want to watch it again, this time starting from part one and hopeful that part three is already done.


Give Yourself a Little Bit of Everything


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Time will pass, and everything on it too will follow. Or as some others have said, time will remain constant, and so everything on it too. It’s just that whichever side time stands, we stand against it. Like a mirror we see them (time and everything) the way it reflects us. So why not give everything you can give to yourself while you can still see your reflection.

Last night I met different people. Met, to the idea that I was just able to dine and listen to their stories. I don’t know them. And knowing a person is the critical thing already. It will make you question how much does knowing will be knowing. Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t want to get deeper with this conversation as I know I wouldn’t be able to fully explain it again. So let’s just end this topic as is for now.

Continuing with what’s happening with my life. I was drunk last night. It’s not that I can’t walk straight anymore in fact I had the strength to walk  a kilometer before deciding that my feet are too tired after a whole day of work. I am a college drop out so I’m working. Although I have told in an earlier letter that I am thankful, what’s wrong now is that I begin to question my decisions with my life because I want something else and yet I’m stuck with the things I didn’t feel like doing, or should I say didn’t expect that I’d be doing. I would question, “Why, that even though at a state that we are more capable of achieving the things we want we still deny ourselves of it?”

So I would think, and think, and think. First if this action is even a product of my own decision, or a decision of providing others what they expect from me. Because I would have proved to myself that living life out of other’s expectations will bring you no good. That’s why I would believe that it’s no Karma that brings you bad luck after you have walked the path that is not wished by others you walk, but rather challenges. Since they are new and strange things to you. Cliche it is, to tell you this but aren’t “Clichés remind and reassure us that we’re not alone, that others have trod this ground long ago.” from Ilustrado by Miguel Syjuco.

P.S. Everyday we die a little, so why not die with the things we want.


Trust Your Instincts



First I would like to explain why I am putting titles on my letters, I don’t know though sometimes I feel like I must start with ‘Dear Self,’ or ‘To someone I haven’t met yet,’ which sounds more appropriate. Well the titles seems to make me feel that I’m writing for myself too. Although this letter is categorized as Open Letter to Myself, I’m writing this to somebody I haven’t met yet. The future me I suppose. Anyway today as I said yesterday I have to travel 3 hours everyday to get to my work, so this time I tried leaving earlier just to see if I can be on my workplace with a lesser travel time. Unfortunately today was the most grueling so far since I started working. I have just been with my job for almost four months, it’s not that I am complaining about it, it’s just that I realized how some people like me who commutes everyday is somehow deprived of their rights. Oh well if it sounds that I’m complaining then I’m complaining but as i don’t want to get that far, I’m going back to my title.

Trust your instinct, I learned today just how to do it. It’s no easy feat i should say, because it takes trusting, and whether you admit it or not, one way or another we all have trust issues. So trusting your instinct is not just building trust with yourself, but building yourself. I don’t know how to explain this one in details but someday I hope I can. Maybe when your reading this you already can explain to a five year old child. Because explaining it to a child is the only means you can fully understand it.

So that’s it for now. I have lots to share about if I wanna go in details of this days event. I don’t have photos to share for now, but it was raining all morning if you would like to know about the weather. And also I have some mistakes that I’m now thinking on how I will learn from it. But in general I just want to share what I just learned and that is trusting yourself is like building yourself, oh no not like, but is. See I learn fast in correcting myself I hope you do too.


P.S. One honest thing, I’m looking forward to  meeting you someday.