With all my muscles longing for rest, with my mind traveling back to the place where I just came from. Images of sceneries flashes over me as the bus I’m on is racing through the road under the sunset. I’m tired, my body is but not my spirit. This is the kind of fatigue I want. The kind of tiredness that I need. The one that could make me say, “It’s been a long day, I think I could rest now.”

But in reality what’s happening is that I’m just tired, my muscles are wanting rest not because I came from travelling to a place that brightens up my spirit and that tells me how wonderful it is to be alive. My body is tired and my mind is stressed over things that when I think about doesn’t really matter. But why is that? Because I let it happen.

In fact I have been holding back for days to post this one. It’s been saved on my draft for almost a week now. Why, you may ask? It’s because I’m tired. Life has been quite indefinite for me for quite some time, I actually told you with my previous letter what’s been happening with me. And also just to say that I’m trying to drive my life on a positive route towards my goals, I’m actually planning to share with you my goals rather than sharing you what stresses me. Planning. Actually.

I’m tired, again for the tenth time. And because of that I actually feel lost. Tired of this routine, of this life, (though I want to clarify that I’m not wishing or hoping to die any sooner). With this kind of feeling, I can’t make any sense to what matters to a young man like me. What matters to a man? But with all this, one good thing when I’m tired is I feel good listening to late night talks. Right now I’m actually reading All I Did Was Ask by Terry Gross. Maybe because doing so lets me relieve myself from the tiredness I feel, especially when all you have to do is listen to people talk about interesting topics that open your mind.

Now, that I’m postimg this, I just felt a weight off my back. Maybe, all that I needed to do all this time was to learn how to open up. Maybe so, maybe yes, who knows for real anyway? And just to share with you some of the positive thoughts I’m having lately, because I feel like people wouldn’t just want to hear what makes you feel tired, so of course I’m sharing you this.  Lately, I realized, how we need people to prove our own existence to ourselves rather than prove them how we exist. So then if only people will think the same way i just did, and then just be honest with themselves, the world will be a better place.

P.S. I really hope to hear from you soon. And, also, the same as I hope for the world to be a better place, that you’re not losing hope in living as how you believe that you’re already slowly missing the years of your life.

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