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Heaven.

I thought it was heaven. The light I saw earlier has its placid effect on me. It was blinding though but I knew there was something behind the source of light. It was impossible, I know, but I knew there was somebody behind that light. I shouted with all my might but I think nobody hears me. As if I was in a cage of glass. The temperature then was normal, it wasn’t cold nor hot but there was something different I can’t describe exactly. A presence of something else or somebody else, other than me and the man behind the light.  

Then the light turned off, and it confirmed what I know, that I wasn’t alone. Beyond that pitch black darkness, there was a silhouette, a human silhouette. Can you imagine that? A silhouette in the darkness, even I can’t think how was that possible. I asked his name but it remained silent, unmoved, making me uncertain if it ever is a human. So then I started walking towards the shadow. And this time fear gripped me, there was no floor. I ran, as if I have somewhere to go to, but I wasn’t moving. I told myself this was just a dream, I told myself to wake up but nothing happened. It was a nightmare, and once fear got a hold of you even just in dreams, you won’t be able to let go. So with my heart pounding fast and loud inside me, I tried to think what I can do then. And I can’t think properly and I had that breakdown.

Suddenly I woke up crying in my bed. I walked silently to the bathroom refreshed myself, then back to my bed leaving the lights turned on this time and then I closed my eyes. I tried to forget the dream I just had but even though I was able to think of good memories, the fear I had will always stay behind and is always ready to surprise me when everyone sleeps.

“So what do you think of the silhouette?” The girl in front of me asked.

It was almost midnight when I found the chance to knock on her door. She was hesitant at first, but then she let me in, probably because the temperature outside is ten degrees below zero. She asked to seat on the couch in the living room. Asked me where I’m from, and why I’m outside alone. The usual questions.  She came back from the kitchen. I believe it was from the kitchen she came from because she now has two cups of  chocolate drinks and cookies on tray, which of course she offered me.

The fire made a cracking sound, and by the looks of it it’s about to die in a few minutes.

 I answered her question saying I was uncertain of it.

“You were uncertain then, I’m asking you now, what do you think of the silhouette behind the light?”

I fell silent, I tried to think what could be the silhouette. For the time being I noticed how she was deep in thought, she was holding a pencil and a folder then. And as if the thought she was trying to get from the drawers of her mind finally came out, she started writing on her folder.

“C’mon, it’s a dream. Your dream, you can give any metaphor to that dark figure.”

“I’M TRYING TO THINK!” I said to her then I asked her to be silent which was not really needed to be done. To my surprise she didn’t flinched by the loudness of my voice.

 “A devil.” I said after a while.

“A devil, very curious.” She said as she writes down on the folder she’s holding.

“And you’re sacred of it?” She asked, and I nod in response to her question, but she seems so focused on what she’s doing so when she asked me again, I said yes. For a while she didn’t say anything.

“So what did you do after many nights of having this nightmare?”

“The obvious thing,” I hesitated before continuing, so in between us there was silence, “I killed myself.”

“And you were unsuccessful…”

“Actually I was,” I said, interrupting her, “I’m here to tell you that my body is still on my flat.” At last I caught her attention. I wanted to smile though, to tell her that its ok, but I just can’t.

And finally the woods burned out, leaving the room in a total darkness.

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